Today, Mats Sundin announced his retirement from professional hockey. Sure, the vast majority of Leafs fans already thought he was retired, spending last season golfing, picking lingonberries and staring at his incredibly attractive spouse. But apparently he went out West and played with Vancouver. Huh. Well, it was only a half-season and a few playoff games, so let's not get too excited. The Big Swede's stint in Vancity will be remembered about as much, as Pension Plan Puppets noted, as Bobby Orr as a Blackhawk or Darryl Sittler as a Flyer. Or Shayne Corson's entire career. (Heyoooh!)

It seems fitting that Sundin wore number 13 and played for the Leafs for 13 seasons. Just sounds good, non? Not as good as "Stanley Cup Champ," but still. Silver linings. No. 13 carried the Toronto club on his back through the NHL's trap era, bearing the brunt of any and all criticism tossed at the team, as well as lazy journos repeatedly waxing philosophical as to why the city never fully embraced him and always seeming to land on "too Swedish" as an answer.

In honor of his (Toronto) career, we unleash our 13 Reasons to Thank Mats Sundin. It's an emotional time. I'd probably have a single tear running down my cheek if he had just WAIVED THAT DAMN NO-TRADE CLAUSE FROM HELL. OK, on to the list. (After the jump)

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In news that isn't really news -Mats Sundin retires after nearly 20 seasons in NHL. SHOCKING SURPRISE RIGHT HERE FOLKS.

Red Sox clinch despite losing to the Jays - Behind a closed clubhouse door, the Boston Red Sox celebrated their sixth playoff berth in seven years in the usual way: with spraying beer, commemorative hats and T-shirts, and the customary promises that they will play better once the post-season begins. Blue Jays, blah, blah, blah, what's a post-season?

Arnold Palmer to be honoured at White House - Arnold Palmer is going back to the White House to meet another president and collect another medal. Good for 'the King' - maybe Obama will make him Chief Golf Advisor to the President? Or something cool like that.

Toothless men in tutus - "Hockey Night in Canada" loudmouth Don Cherry will be among the celebrity judges assessing the axel jumps and death spirals that former figure skaters and NHL players plan to unleash on the reality series, "Battle of the Blades," says "Blades" co-host Ron MacLean. And its not like you can get away with making fun of Probert or Domi, either one will put their fist through your face.

Turkoglu to grab some rest during camp - Acquired in a blockbuster four-team trade in the off-season, Turkoglu is resting through the early part of training camp after a long run through the playoffs last season with Orlando and then a busy summer spent playing for Turkey. They just don't make pro athletes like they used to do they?

Tattoos in the NBA are like moustaches in NASCAR -- everybody's got one. Or seemingly so. It may, then, come as a surprise to you to learn that Chris Bosh, star of Canada's lone pro hoops team, has recently embarked on his first journey into the realm of permanent body art.

The Toronto Star reports the Raptor All-Star was hiding the beginnings of his inaugural tattoo under his jersey and was mum on just what it was. What we do know is that it's on his back. Let's hope and assume he hasn't opted for a Man-Stamp (male version of the, yes, tramp stamp), and gone instead for something decidedly less completely idiotic up near the shoulders somewhere. What could it be? A map of Texas? A basketball in the clutches of eagle talons? A rhino jumping over a burning bush with arrows flying at it? A tattoo replication of the CB4 movie poster? A wizard battling a polar bear atop a snowy mountain? Who knows? Any guesses? Probably not this.

Olympics loom as the NHL season nears - The biggest impact on this NHL season won't be made by a breakout player or an upstart team. It's going to come from the Olympic tournament in Vancouver. I think some players are more pumped for the 2010 games than the 2010 NHL season.

New-look Raptors ready to compete - The Toronto Raptors filed in one by one for the team's annual meet-and-greet with reporters Monday - but before they could meet with the media, they had to meet each other. Word is that the new squad will be much tougher to play - which I assume means they'll be throwing elbows in the paint non-stop.

Canucks send promising back-up goalie down to the AHL - Schneider, 23, the AHL goaltender of the year last season with the Moose, had battled with veteran Andrew Raycroft for the backup job behind Roberto Luongo. Andrew Raycroft feels a lot like Felix Potvin to me. Lots of promise, a few good seasons, but ultimately vanishes from the league.

Did the PGA Tour's playoffs deliver? - PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem camped out behind the first tee as the final round of the Tour Championship got under way at East Lake. From any direction, he couldn't complain about the view. Phil wins the tourney, Tiger wins the money. PGA wins the TV ratings.

Kimbo Slice ready to fight on UFC show - Kimbo Slice's long-awaited debut in the UFC cage airs Wednesday night on TV and the former street fighter says mixed martial arts fans can expect a "good matchup" with former IFL heavyweight champion Roy (Big Country) Nelson. Kimbo Slice could beat up a horse and grizzly bear at the same time, but then again, neither of those animals have a good ground game.

As someone with a last name that invites, nay BEGS, for some jokey (probably half-drunk) parent to pick out a "hilarious" corresponding first name for their child -- my personal favorite being "Cole" (heyooh!) -- this story struck a chord.

In Manitoba, there is a town called Brandon. Some call it the "Paris of the Prairies" for reasons I've yet to discover. Apparently, they have lovely rusty breezes that push around the weather vane Jesus. Whatever the sweet hell that means. Anyway, the town is also home to a storied WHL hockey franchise called the Wheat Kings. (Also, apparently, there are "pretty things." OK, OK, enough.) Approximately 17 years ago, a local resident we'll call Mr. King saw an opportunity. As an avid hockey fan, he had long seen the similarity between his last name and the moniker of his favorite major junior hockey club. But it wasn't until his son was born that he could do anything about bringing these two, seemingly unrelated interests together. Little did he know that his progeny would go on to fulfill his ultimate destiny. Yep, meet Brandon Wheat Kings left winger... wait for it... Wheaton King.

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New Canadian marathon record set - Defending champion Kenneth Mungara of Kenya raced to the fastest time on Canadian soil in winning the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon on Sunday. The top Canadian runner placed 14th. Not bad.

Phil and Tiger both win this weekend - Phil Mickelson had the smaller cheque and felt like the biggest winner. Tiger Woods was congratulated after he finished second in the Tour Championship. A good weekend for golf's best players.

Oilers make cuts - The final roster of the Edmonton Oilers is a little clearer after five players were cut following Sunday's 5-4 overtime win over the Vancouver Canucks. Lots of cuts being made across the league this weekend / week - hope to see some talented youngsters get their shot!

NFL action this weekend - Matthew Stafford threw an early 21-yard touchdown pass to Bryant Johnson and the two connected to draw a key penalty that set up a TD in the fourth quarter as the Lions ended a 19-game losing streak. Detroit can finally stop complaining... well about football at least.

Jays win last home game of the season - The Toronto Blue Jays closed out the home portion of their schedule with the type of victory too infrequently seen during their dismal season, one featuring some timely hitting, solid pitching and a spirited comeback. Everyone heard about the fan-made sign that read 'Fire JP' that was confiscated by security earlier this weekend right?

The aftermath of Wayne Gretzky's personal website-announced departure from the Coyotes has been a mixed bag of emotions. And facts. And opinions. The mood from commenters on the various news stories range from understanding ("I'd quit that job to...") to downright crazytown ("Bettman had it all planned out from the start!"). Some pro pundits say The Great One was left to hang out to dry by the NHL, while others point to the Hall-of-Famer's shrewd behind-the-scenes contract negotiation tactics that may have helped put the team in its current predicament. Considering Gretzky demanded "a veto over any potential buyer, a right of first refusal on any offers, and a requirement that the Coyotes continue to pay his salary if he died," it's difficult to see the former coach as an innocent victim here. Here's a grown man who played hardball in the boardroom and when the team went bankrupt it revealed the gory details of his demands. Boohoo.

Now, upon his departure he says, "I learned to play hockey in Southern Ontario, and I know what great fans they have there. It's my hope they too will have an NHL franchise in the not too distant future." Well, NOW you tell us. In May it was "Phoenix or bust" but now let's get all warm and fuzzy about another team in Ontario. Seems Gretzky bet on the wrong horse and is now trying to put the shine back on his image for all the Canadian fans he disappointed when this big mess began.

Of course, you could argue that he had to back the team in Phoenix. As the team's coach, national icon or not, it's not exactly kosher to come out and say, "Hells yeah, let's move this turd to greener pastures!" when you're still part of the team. How many Coyotes players do you think would say the same thing in private, but can't publicly for obvious reasons? I'd guess a few. And Gretzky's quitting is understandable considering the horridly ugly state of the franchise. So where is he a victim? That the financial particulars of his contract  -- that hardly anyone will actually read and give a second thought -- have been revealed? Not much victimhood there. Unless you count the $14.5 million in salary he was due to get over the next two years. But smart money would go on this not being The Great One's last stand behind an NHL bench. Either way, there's no need for tears or hysterical cries of injustice from over-emotional fans. He'll be fine folks. Hell, he's probably golfing right now.

Don Cherry wonders about Wayne's move - Don Cherry was disappointed by Wayne Gretzky's decision to step down as coach of the Phoenix Coyotes. I love how whatever happens in the hockey world, we wait with bated breath to see what Lord Grapes will say.

Ricciardi might know something - The man with a bull's-eye on his chest says the Jays face the same problems no matter who's running the team. In narrative writing this is called 'foreshadowing' and hopefully it is accurate.

Crosby suffers groin injury - Sidney Crosby left the Pittsburgh Penguins' 5-2 exhibition loss to the Columbus Blue Jackets early in the first period Thursday night because of a groin injury that the team said wasn't believed to be serious. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure his groin is made of yarn. This kid pulls his groin more times than the Canadiens let their fans down.

Bodie Miller rejoins US Ski team - Bode Miller is ending his splendid isolation and rejoining the U.S. ski team, just five months before the Vancouver Olympics. Known jerk-face Miller is probably just looking to add some more gold to his resume before launching an energy drink or something.

Meet the NY Giants' non-bullet riddled receiver - There were 105,121 sets of eyeballs in the $1.1 house on Sunday night in Dallas, and all of them were firmly affixed on the shiny, wondrous spectacle in the centre of the Cowboys' gargantuan new stadium. No word yet if bullet-proof thigh pads are mandatory for NY receivers.

So as you may have heard today, Wayne Gretzky stepped down from his position as head coach and director of hockey operations of the Phoenix Coyotes. This probably comes as no surprise to anyone following the Phoenix fiasco, nor do we think Wayne will have a tough time making ends meet (he is still owed $9 million for his part-ownership role once the team is FINALLY sold).

Here is a Chronology of the whole Balsillie Ice Capades, from his first bid in an attempt to bring the beleaguered franchise to Hamilton, to Wayne walking after figuring out neither side saw him in the future of the Coyotes.

Balsillie Chronology

Wayne steps down as coach of the Coyotes

Long NHL season awaits the Pens - Last season was joyfully long, the off-season far too short. The Pittsburgh Penguins were toting the Stanley Cup to their hometowns to celebrate only a few weeks ago, now a new season is nearly here. No pressure guys. No pressure.

Vick ready to play in regular season game - After spending 18 months in federal prison and sitting out the first two games as the final league penalty for his role in a dogfighting ring, Vick is eligible to play his first regular-season game in 33 months when the Philadelphia Eagles host the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday. Does he deserve this chance? I say yes.

PGA Tour losing sponsors, events? - Even as the economy shows signs of recovering, PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said Wednesday that shrinking marketing budgets of major companies could lead to the loss of title sponsors, and possibly some tournaments. I'm sure the players wouldn't complain if they had a few less events each year.

Balsillie will leave Coyotes put for now - Canadian billionaire Jim Balsillie has pledged to keep the Phoenix Coyotes in Glendale this season if he wins an auction for the financially troubled club. Like he'd be able to get Copps ready in time for this year anyways.

A baseball legend to retire this year - After 50 years in baseball, Bobby Cox figured the only way he would ever give up managing was to pick a specific time and announce it publicly. I'd call his career a pretty damn good one.